he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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