tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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