apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
