Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
