What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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