Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
