ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
