So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
