my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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