it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
