Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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