found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
