and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
