i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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