Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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