my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
