yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
