I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
