some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
