i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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