tell your sister to shave her snatch
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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