I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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