just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
