My sheets look like a crime scene.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
