she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
