Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
