So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Someone signed my nipple.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
