That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
