Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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