Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
