I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
