We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
