when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
