i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
In America we eat man semen.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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