nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
