Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
