if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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