broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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