My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
