i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
