Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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