I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
