I wish I only lived at night.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
