Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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