Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
whose parrot is this?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
