Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Randomize
