Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
