I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
