I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
we made out on top of his cat.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
