when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
