your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
