ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
