woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
