someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
There's always time for handjobs
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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