you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
