My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
