my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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