So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
