Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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