I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
