the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I need to wash the frat house off of me
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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