Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
