I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
