is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize