So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
