I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
