No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
