just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
