How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
COCAINE IS GR8
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