If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She said her name was "party"
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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