she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
