apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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