We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
