Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
